emilia48tc's Journal

John stood me up yesterday, and I still have had no word of explanation from him. He is not at home. He has not called me.

I think he might be married or something. There's still the remote possiblity that something is wrong--an accident, a death in the family--but I seriously doubt it. I just don't understand. It's unaccountable. He told me always that he liked me. He was the one who always suggested we make plans--never me. It was almost always him who called me. I don't understand. I'm okay, I just am sad for myself. I don't really care about him. I care about the fact that I'm afraid I'll never trust anyone again. I hate the fact that I can't trust my own judgement anymore. (Yes, I know I was wondering about him earlier on, but still, I trusted implicitly that he was a good guy). I don't think I'm going to date for a while.

I also think I need to get myself tested.

The worst was that my week before that had been pretty shitty, too. Work is stressful.

I am a fabulous, fun, witty and intelligent woman. There are a lot of shithead men out there. I don't understand why. But at least I know it doesn't have anything to do with me. I am a fabulous, fun, witty and intelligetn woman.

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